Tiny Adventures: Papaya

Hey G,

One of my favorite things about summertime is the fresh, ripe produce available. Last week I tried dragon fruit and yesterday was papaya. I've surprisingly only had the dried, candied papaya before but I wanted the REAL thing!

The outside felt tender and soft enough. I compared it to when a mango is ripe. The inside of the papaya had the texture similar to a mango, but not as juicy or sweet. Papaya had more of a mild taste.

I took a few photos too! And made a smoothie out of it.

The components of the smoothie: a papaya, a banana, strawberries, coconut milk, and kale. The verdict: YUM! ^_^

The U Word

Dear Kayla,

Dealing with unemployment is better said than done. It's different for everyone, but I guess I wrote this so maybe someone else won't feel so alone. For me it's temporary, meaning I work part-time at a college but clocked few hours over the summer and am now "off" until the fall. I've been using this time (and my last paychecks) to pursue my first full-time, salary with benefits, "real" job. It has thus far been unsuccessful. I'm not going to play this off cool at all--I feel like a wreck. I'm not coping well. The worst part is feeling idle. I like being a useful, contributing member of society. I get so restless, my sleep schedule is wack, I procrastinate--I have generally dragged my feet through this period of my life. Then I start to think that maybe there is something I can learn from unemployment. First of all that I should not base the whole of my self worth on my job or the brutal opinion of the job market. So these are methods I use to deal. If you're also unemployed, pick and choose if they sound good to you, Tell me ways you deal. Mostly know you're not alone.

READ MORE BLOGS

If you're like me you put almost all your work into sending applications. I (sometimes) have confidence in my abilities, but it seems to me that the job hunt is an elaborate game to prove your worth. In seeking advise I found Ask A Manager this great blog by Alison Green with *valuable* info about hiring from an employer/hiring manager's perspective. I took a break from sending applications and applied some of her advise.

WORK ON DEM SKILLZ

Just because I'm not in school or going to work doesn't mean can't improve myself. Just like a millennial I've turned to an app. Duolingo helps me practice my Spanish with grammar, vocab, and speaking lessons. It also keeps track of my practice, so I love it. Magoosh has added 25 semi-pretentious words to my vocabulary so far; it's the official GRE vocabulary builder app. And lastly the Goodreads app is a standard for book lovers. I learn about new releases, read and write reviews, and keep track of my own reading goals.

VOLUNTEER

It's a feel good kind of activity. Volunteering with a local arts non-profit has really saved me because ...I miss working. That may sounds crazy, but it's true. I've loved being involved with my community--I can't believe I didn't do this sooner! It is loads better than the internship option,  more flexible and more rewarding. Get used to hearing 'thank you!' all the time. I learn, meet people, work, and *put it on my resume*. I absolutely recommend it.

GO OUTSIDE

At least open the window. Summers in the Georgia are humid as hell. My apartment gets stuffy and being inside all day makes me feel claustrophobic. Open the door and look at a sunset and take a deep breath. Maybe change your work environment; sit on the porch if you have one or go out to a coffee shop, there is a nice one (with books!) close to my house. I also like taking walks with Seth. We both live close to Grant Park and the neighborhood has lots of Little Free Libraries! Sometimes you just need that delicious fresh air.

FEED YO SELF 

It's hard to remember, I know. So take a break! Some days I've gotten so consumed in the job hunt, time passes and its suddenly midnight. It sounds so silly, but remember to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Drink lots of that H2O. Combine meals with breaks. Eat breakfast and read a book. Share lunch with a friend. Have a cut off time when you stop work for the day and relax. Oh! Don't forget your body either! I'm a fan of #stopdropandyoga, but even if you're not find some FUN way to burn all that excess energy and make more. Like bike rides! Take a "weekend" or some version of it. I went hiking with Paul and Seth last Sunday and it really cheered me up. I'm craving some semblance of a routine, so breaks really help me out.

FIND A CREATIVE OUTLET

Express all that frustration, anger, apathy, or whatever it is and MAKE SOMETHING. Kayla has happily let me borrow her watercolor set, and something about that soft, fluid medium is so relaxing for me. I'm also a fan of collage and have been making regular journal entries all year. This blog good too for that too;)

Currently Reading: Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
2015 Job  Applications Submitted So Far: 36
Taylor Swift Song of the Month: Treacherous

Coping with the Loss of a Dog

Dear Ginny,


When my family and I put our beloved dog, Tinki (Tinkerbell) to rest on Saturday, June 27th, we all felt deep, heavy pain. On Friday the 26th, she lost control of her legs and body although her mind was still strong as ever. Tinki was 13 years old and developed neurological problems about a year ago. Medication didn't seem to help or improve her condition. Saying goodbye and going through the motion of taking her to the vet and the injections was absolutely agonizing. But the most humane and kindest thing to do was taking her in and let the veterinarian put her to rest. No more pain and suffering. I drove to my parents house on Saturday and had focused on one step at a time because the entire day was overwhelming and heartbreaking. A weight sat on my chest and wouldn't budge. It kept crushing my heart, over and over. I knew time would help heal, but couldn't escape this feeling.

I kept reminding myself to hold it together as best as I could and remain strong for my parents sake. My dad was such a mess. Seeing him that way made my heart ache even worse. When I was at their house, I tried to help them cope more than I allowed myself to grieve. They were the ones who would feel her absence most since she was a huge part of their daily routine. I was able to leave and go back to Atlanta. Out of sight, out of mind.

Since I've started meditating a couple years ago, I could remind myself to be strong in that moment. For my parents and my brother. And for Tinki. I could break down later. And I did the whole way home (I had about an hour drive back to my apartment from their house). When a wave of sadness hit, it felt so easy to give in and crumble. But in order to be strong, I took a moment to let my mind become blank. Then I would tell myself to stay strong. Stay strong for them. And I told myself this about a dozen times that afternoon. If my parents saw me crumble, it would make them hurt worse. And I did not want that as they were suffering enough.

When it felt like my heart kept crumbling, I tried to hold on to the good things in life, no matter how small they seemed. That helped. Distractions like feel-good movies, visits with friends (like Starbucks with Ginny!), and playing with my dogs helped. Silence and being alone was not helpful. Too much thinking about just my own sadness was not helpful. I needed to do something positive to counteract the negative. And so I tried. I actively looked for the good and focused on life in front of me (which was never easy so I had to force myself most of the time). Little by little, I kept going. I took my dogs for walks in nature, created art, cooked good food, drew a comforting design about Tinki on a shirt for my mom, and played the guitar.

I don't want this post to seem sad, but it is healing for me to write and remember her. If I can help someone else during their time of grief, then it's worth it for me to share all of this. It's amazing how a little dog can touch a lot of hearts. My extended family, some of my parents' neighbors, and the people at the vet's office were all choked up about Tinki. I would like to share with you some of the adventures we shared together.

Tinki loved going for bike and scooter rides in her little basket. I would often take her to the park down the road and ride my bike around with her in the basket. She would bark if she wasn't the first one in line during a group ride. 

We went to the Florida beaches many, many times. We saw a lot of sunrises together as a family. My brother is not a morning person so he would often sleep through them!

She was playful and would roll around in her bed, making cute gremlin noises.

We went to North Carolina, high in the mountains, to visit my aunt and uncle and their dog. This picture was from high school, so that was quite a few years ago. 

Antlers were totally in season. So trendy.

 

Fashionable in Florida, visiting my grandparents while they were still alive.

This was during the winter in Georgia, and she was styling a pickle colored sweater.

 I took these photos last year when I watched these two dogs (Tinki and Monster) for the weekend. My parents were out of town and I loved the chance to watch them. We went on a walk around my large apartment complex.

A tortoise visited the backyard. These two had to investigate the cute intruder. 

Tinki and Monster, sitting stoically together.

She loved looking out the window, watching people, birds, and anything that moved. Sometimes she would bark in her high pitch, cute bark, to say hello. 

Kentucky Home

Hey Kayla,

I only checked up on this blog tonight, and it's been even longer since I last contributed something. I'm in Kentucky with my parents before they leave for their trip to Argentina and Peru in the morning. It's been great spending time with them, especially since I hadn't been home since New Years! Being here also feels like going backwards in time; being with them reminds me of how much I need to grow. I don't mean "grow up" but just, grow. My parents are very selfless and loving people and when I'm with them I always see that in the little and big ways they care for their family and home and even their little dog Munkie! I feel like a little kid again. They take care of me and go about their errands while I lay around the house with few obligations. I feel like a teenage too except I notice all the ways I can be difficult and was difficult at times when I was living with them. Now I know that I won't always agree with them, but I can learn to communicate with them and love them better.

I've been reading "How To Love" by Thich Nhat Hanh with short passages and notes on love, just a few pages every night or so. After reading bell hook's All About Love this January I decided to actively practice love in my life. Although  in the back of my mind it's how I wish to act, it's not how it always turns out. I want love to be first in my mind. In your last longish post you mentioned thinking about death. I think about it too. My parents are going on this trip for about three weeks. My Dad showed my brother where their will was in case anything happened. I started thinking what if something does happen? It makes me want to make the most of every moment I spend with them. The fear of death can transform in to a motivation to live. Who cares about the little or big things we don't agree on? In this moment (how many more will we have) I choose to love.

There are more things on my mind, but it's late and if I don't post now who knows when you'll see it. I also want to be a little more succinct with these posts and blog about one topic at a time. I have a lot to tell you, but I want to be a more mindful of what I write publicly--what from my life do I want to share and how do I want to share it? I'm considering these questions but also happy to be blogging again. I'm going to see my brother, my cousin, and Perla tomorrow in Lexington and Louisville. Should be fun. Funny reunion with the Gilmore Girls band by the way. See you soon! I'll be back in town and ready to chill wit cha Thursday. Come at me! Peace. -G


Currently Reading: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
2015 Job Applications Submitted So Far: 10
Taylor Swift Song of the Month (it's a thing! I'm making it a thing!): Mean

A Quick Cup of Awesome on a Sunday Morning

Ginny, 

As I sip on my warm cup of green tea and browse the news online this morning, I stumble across something that unleashes my inner fangirl. And you would appreciate this as well. Ahhhh!! xD < Fangirl moment. The cast of Gilmore Girls reunited at the Austin TV festival and there was a video of something awesome. Here is the awesome:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz9q6V15BKQ&feature=player_embedded

Hep Alien reunited to play a set. That's right. But Gil was missing and he added an ounce of awesome to  their awesomeness.

So much awesome and now I cannot stop saying "awesome."

Awesome.

Persevering with Life's Overwhelm

Ginny,

I have been struggling on and off lately, getting overwhelmed. I'll deal with things and feel great for a while, but then the overwhelm sneaks its way back in.

Sometimes when the pain and stress and irritations keep building up, I want to find an escape-- something to cope with. I often turn to books, animated movies, etc. It's easy to escape, hard to deal with what's in front of you. It's fine to escape, but only for so long. I can stay there and not have to deal with what causes discomfort. The longer you stay, the harder it can be to bring yourself back. Back to face your current situations that cause you stress, anxiety, depression, and so on. Back to take action in your life to make it better, to make it what you had hoped it would be one day. But where you are now is probably not where you'd envisioned being. That's where I am. And it's becoming more of a regular struggle as I get older. But I'm working on that. I know where I want to go and that it's always going to be a work in progress; the journey is never over. But it's hard when you feel far away from what you'd hoped for your life.

I am so grateful for everything in my life. But I yearn for more-- for better. I know I will go do great, positive things and live in a place where I thrive and feel alive on a regular basis. But it is not here, where I am.

I don't want to wake up, dreading the work day ahead, and waiting for the weekend to arrive. I want to wake up, feeling excited about what's to come. I need to feel alive a lot more often. I need to be in the present moment, taking action to make that happen.

When it feels like you're so far away that it's easier to escape into another world, another reality of someone else with perhaps bigger problems than yourself. Why is it so hard to take action in your own life? Maybe you don't know how. Maybe you do, but for some reason have a hard time doing what needs to be done. When this happens for me, it's usually when I will feel overwhelmed by the build-up of day to day stresses.

It can be hard to pull myself out of the overwhelming, stressed feeling. I have to take time to meditate and clear my thoughts of all the negativity and shit. Why does it seem so easy for your mind to be clouded with negative, self sabotaging thoughts? I have to make myself take the time to sit quietly and honestly with myself. This is like my light reset button on a video game.

I sit quietly, focusing on my breathing to calm my body of any anxiousness or stress I feel. Thoughts soon flow of things that have added up to overwhelm me. I think about priorities and what matters most. Reminding myself of this helps align what I need to focus on most. The other smaller things that have been piling up can be dealt with and the stress of that will soon pass. It is like mentally ripping off a band-aid. But once you do, it's much easier to deal with what's underneath.

I also remind myself that I let myself become stressed and my daily decisions led me here. I have the power to deal with things and fix them. After this realization, it becomes easier to take the next step. It might not be easy but it's what I have to do in order to get where my heart yearns to go. By continuing to escape and ignore what's overwhelming me, it will most likely become worse when I rip off the band-aid and am forced to deal.

After reflecting on all of this, I made a list of how I persevere. And I will check this list again when I am down.

* When life gets tough, hold on to these thoughts and visions.
 Keep your dreams close by.
 Envision where you want to be and will be.
 Remind yourself why you're doing this, how you want to feel, and how you can make the world better because of my dreams.

* Stop looking for outside answers when you need to look inward.
 Don't compare yourself or your progress. Focus on YOU.
 Stop procrastinating by looking into youtube videos and websites to learn. There is a time for this but not now. This often feels productive when you don't have to do anything but sit there and watch someone else DO when YOU should be DOING.
So lay out a basic plan and starting doing.

* Do a little bit everyday and build the habit.
 You feel better when progress is made even if your goal seems far away.
 Let your passion overcome laziness. If not, it could become a regret one day.
 And you don't want to regret the "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" in life.
 Commit yourself to DO in a short period of time. Just do 5 minutes. You may extend it or not. But after those 5 minutes, progress will have been made. And that will eventually add up.

* Death sits on my shoulder, reminding me of my mortality.
 I often think of death. Maybe that's morbid, but I don't think so.
 This calls for action. You don't have infinite time to get yourself out there and get things done.
 When my loved ones have died in the past, I felt like they lived on in my heart and memories. They became part of me and I told myself that I would live as best as I could to keep part of them alive too. This was also a way for me to cope with losing them.

For writing the first post in a long time, this was definitely a heavier and personal topic for me. But I feel lighter for getting this all out. And maybe it will help you too.

Anyway, G. I miss ya! I leave for the cruise this Friday and will be gone for a week without any communication. This vacation is going to be my reboot, which is much needed right now. When I'm back, we'll go explore some parks and I will bring my dog. He is a blast to play with outside. And we can bring snacks too. I am looking forward to it!

<3
Kayla