Tiny Adventures: Papaya

Hey G,

One of my favorite things about summertime is the fresh, ripe produce available. Last week I tried dragon fruit and yesterday was papaya. I've surprisingly only had the dried, candied papaya before but I wanted the REAL thing!

The outside felt tender and soft enough. I compared it to when a mango is ripe. The inside of the papaya had the texture similar to a mango, but not as juicy or sweet. Papaya had more of a mild taste.

I took a few photos too! And made a smoothie out of it.

The components of the smoothie: a papaya, a banana, strawberries, coconut milk, and kale. The verdict: YUM! ^_^

Coping with the Loss of a Dog

Dear Ginny,


When my family and I put our beloved dog, Tinki (Tinkerbell) to rest on Saturday, June 27th, we all felt deep, heavy pain. On Friday the 26th, she lost control of her legs and body although her mind was still strong as ever. Tinki was 13 years old and developed neurological problems about a year ago. Medication didn't seem to help or improve her condition. Saying goodbye and going through the motion of taking her to the vet and the injections was absolutely agonizing. But the most humane and kindest thing to do was taking her in and let the veterinarian put her to rest. No more pain and suffering. I drove to my parents house on Saturday and had focused on one step at a time because the entire day was overwhelming and heartbreaking. A weight sat on my chest and wouldn't budge. It kept crushing my heart, over and over. I knew time would help heal, but couldn't escape this feeling.

I kept reminding myself to hold it together as best as I could and remain strong for my parents sake. My dad was such a mess. Seeing him that way made my heart ache even worse. When I was at their house, I tried to help them cope more than I allowed myself to grieve. They were the ones who would feel her absence most since she was a huge part of their daily routine. I was able to leave and go back to Atlanta. Out of sight, out of mind.

Since I've started meditating a couple years ago, I could remind myself to be strong in that moment. For my parents and my brother. And for Tinki. I could break down later. And I did the whole way home (I had about an hour drive back to my apartment from their house). When a wave of sadness hit, it felt so easy to give in and crumble. But in order to be strong, I took a moment to let my mind become blank. Then I would tell myself to stay strong. Stay strong for them. And I told myself this about a dozen times that afternoon. If my parents saw me crumble, it would make them hurt worse. And I did not want that as they were suffering enough.

When it felt like my heart kept crumbling, I tried to hold on to the good things in life, no matter how small they seemed. That helped. Distractions like feel-good movies, visits with friends (like Starbucks with Ginny!), and playing with my dogs helped. Silence and being alone was not helpful. Too much thinking about just my own sadness was not helpful. I needed to do something positive to counteract the negative. And so I tried. I actively looked for the good and focused on life in front of me (which was never easy so I had to force myself most of the time). Little by little, I kept going. I took my dogs for walks in nature, created art, cooked good food, drew a comforting design about Tinki on a shirt for my mom, and played the guitar.

I don't want this post to seem sad, but it is healing for me to write and remember her. If I can help someone else during their time of grief, then it's worth it for me to share all of this. It's amazing how a little dog can touch a lot of hearts. My extended family, some of my parents' neighbors, and the people at the vet's office were all choked up about Tinki. I would like to share with you some of the adventures we shared together.

Tinki loved going for bike and scooter rides in her little basket. I would often take her to the park down the road and ride my bike around with her in the basket. She would bark if she wasn't the first one in line during a group ride. 

We went to the Florida beaches many, many times. We saw a lot of sunrises together as a family. My brother is not a morning person so he would often sleep through them!

She was playful and would roll around in her bed, making cute gremlin noises.

We went to North Carolina, high in the mountains, to visit my aunt and uncle and their dog. This picture was from high school, so that was quite a few years ago. 

Antlers were totally in season. So trendy.

 

Fashionable in Florida, visiting my grandparents while they were still alive.

This was during the winter in Georgia, and she was styling a pickle colored sweater.

 I took these photos last year when I watched these two dogs (Tinki and Monster) for the weekend. My parents were out of town and I loved the chance to watch them. We went on a walk around my large apartment complex.

A tortoise visited the backyard. These two had to investigate the cute intruder. 

Tinki and Monster, sitting stoically together.

She loved looking out the window, watching people, birds, and anything that moved. Sometimes she would bark in her high pitch, cute bark, to say hello. 

A Quick Cup of Awesome on a Sunday Morning

Ginny, 

As I sip on my warm cup of green tea and browse the news online this morning, I stumble across something that unleashes my inner fangirl. And you would appreciate this as well. Ahhhh!! xD < Fangirl moment. The cast of Gilmore Girls reunited at the Austin TV festival and there was a video of something awesome. Here is the awesome:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz9q6V15BKQ&feature=player_embedded

Hep Alien reunited to play a set. That's right. But Gil was missing and he added an ounce of awesome to  their awesomeness.

So much awesome and now I cannot stop saying "awesome."

Awesome.

Persevering with Life's Overwhelm

Ginny,

I have been struggling on and off lately, getting overwhelmed. I'll deal with things and feel great for a while, but then the overwhelm sneaks its way back in.

Sometimes when the pain and stress and irritations keep building up, I want to find an escape-- something to cope with. I often turn to books, animated movies, etc. It's easy to escape, hard to deal with what's in front of you. It's fine to escape, but only for so long. I can stay there and not have to deal with what causes discomfort. The longer you stay, the harder it can be to bring yourself back. Back to face your current situations that cause you stress, anxiety, depression, and so on. Back to take action in your life to make it better, to make it what you had hoped it would be one day. But where you are now is probably not where you'd envisioned being. That's where I am. And it's becoming more of a regular struggle as I get older. But I'm working on that. I know where I want to go and that it's always going to be a work in progress; the journey is never over. But it's hard when you feel far away from what you'd hoped for your life.

I am so grateful for everything in my life. But I yearn for more-- for better. I know I will go do great, positive things and live in a place where I thrive and feel alive on a regular basis. But it is not here, where I am.

I don't want to wake up, dreading the work day ahead, and waiting for the weekend to arrive. I want to wake up, feeling excited about what's to come. I need to feel alive a lot more often. I need to be in the present moment, taking action to make that happen.

When it feels like you're so far away that it's easier to escape into another world, another reality of someone else with perhaps bigger problems than yourself. Why is it so hard to take action in your own life? Maybe you don't know how. Maybe you do, but for some reason have a hard time doing what needs to be done. When this happens for me, it's usually when I will feel overwhelmed by the build-up of day to day stresses.

It can be hard to pull myself out of the overwhelming, stressed feeling. I have to take time to meditate and clear my thoughts of all the negativity and shit. Why does it seem so easy for your mind to be clouded with negative, self sabotaging thoughts? I have to make myself take the time to sit quietly and honestly with myself. This is like my light reset button on a video game.

I sit quietly, focusing on my breathing to calm my body of any anxiousness or stress I feel. Thoughts soon flow of things that have added up to overwhelm me. I think about priorities and what matters most. Reminding myself of this helps align what I need to focus on most. The other smaller things that have been piling up can be dealt with and the stress of that will soon pass. It is like mentally ripping off a band-aid. But once you do, it's much easier to deal with what's underneath.

I also remind myself that I let myself become stressed and my daily decisions led me here. I have the power to deal with things and fix them. After this realization, it becomes easier to take the next step. It might not be easy but it's what I have to do in order to get where my heart yearns to go. By continuing to escape and ignore what's overwhelming me, it will most likely become worse when I rip off the band-aid and am forced to deal.

After reflecting on all of this, I made a list of how I persevere. And I will check this list again when I am down.

* When life gets tough, hold on to these thoughts and visions.
 Keep your dreams close by.
 Envision where you want to be and will be.
 Remind yourself why you're doing this, how you want to feel, and how you can make the world better because of my dreams.

* Stop looking for outside answers when you need to look inward.
 Don't compare yourself or your progress. Focus on YOU.
 Stop procrastinating by looking into youtube videos and websites to learn. There is a time for this but not now. This often feels productive when you don't have to do anything but sit there and watch someone else DO when YOU should be DOING.
So lay out a basic plan and starting doing.

* Do a little bit everyday and build the habit.
 You feel better when progress is made even if your goal seems far away.
 Let your passion overcome laziness. If not, it could become a regret one day.
 And you don't want to regret the "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" in life.
 Commit yourself to DO in a short period of time. Just do 5 minutes. You may extend it or not. But after those 5 minutes, progress will have been made. And that will eventually add up.

* Death sits on my shoulder, reminding me of my mortality.
 I often think of death. Maybe that's morbid, but I don't think so.
 This calls for action. You don't have infinite time to get yourself out there and get things done.
 When my loved ones have died in the past, I felt like they lived on in my heart and memories. They became part of me and I told myself that I would live as best as I could to keep part of them alive too. This was also a way for me to cope with losing them.

For writing the first post in a long time, this was definitely a heavier and personal topic for me. But I feel lighter for getting this all out. And maybe it will help you too.

Anyway, G. I miss ya! I leave for the cruise this Friday and will be gone for a week without any communication. This vacation is going to be my reboot, which is much needed right now. When I'm back, we'll go explore some parks and I will bring my dog. He is a blast to play with outside. And we can bring snacks too. I am looking forward to it!

<3
Kayla

Tiny Adventures: June Nature Shenanagins

Ginny,

I explored and played in nature a ton this month. I enjoy summertime in Georgia, but sometimes the humidity does not play around. I'll still go outside and play around though. Nothing can stop meeee! 

Chattahoochee River: Swimming, Socializing, and Sizzling

I took one of my dogs, Obi, to swim in the Chattahoochee River. This was such a fun outing. It was nice to socialize with other people and dogs too. We all shared similar excitement in being there--both humans and dogs alike!

My boyfriend and I used to take our dogs to swim here all the time a couple years ago (when Obi was still a puppy). Obi didn't swim out too far. He didn't have much confidence in himself and was very nervous in new surroundings. But I worked with him on building up his confidence and he has grown so much! And he was able to enjoy swimming out in the deeper end! I even recorded a few seconds of it. :-)

  

  

The Park with SO MANY STEEP and Rocky Trails

My boyfriend went mountain biking while I hiked around with Obi. It felt exhilarating to keep pushing myself on some of those trails. I tested myself with balance, endurance, and a fear of heights. I pushed through any fear or doubt and kept going! I had no idea where I was going for a while and came across a heavily debris-ed area from all of the recent afternoon storms. Many fallen trees and branches lay in the trails with mud and creek all around them. A big creek sat next to all of that, so I had to balance on trees and hop across them to get across. And I saw a tree fall about 10 feet away. Very startling and crazy.

These pictures were snapped while Obi and I cooled off until the lover-pants made it back.

  

Grant Park with Ginnykins and Dani

I have been to Grant Park a few times but only explored the place once. 

That afternoon, we relaxed by a serene pond and created flower chains. An adult-sized turtle kept popping her head up to check up on us. And we also got some pops from King of Pops (first time for me). Very refreshing. And very fun.

 

And that's all I got captured! The rest is locked in my mind. 'Til next time! 

Tiny Adventures: June Food

Dear Gin,

I have been trying new things and broadening my experiences. I am growing and working to become a better version of myself! It starts with attitude and action.

I took a few pictures of some things I did in June. I want to remember that feeling of accomplishment and facing the unknown. Passion and curiosity over laziness!

The Food

When I saw that organic brussel sprouts were on sale I knew now was the time to try them. I didn't follow a recipe to cook this. I just cooked it up the way I thought it would taste good. And it did! I was surprised, honestly. I've always heard people say something like "the only way they'll taste good is if you deep-fry 'em." Well, that's false. 'Cause these are delicious!

Sauteed Sprouts with Onion and Garlic
A bag of brussel sprouts
Onions
A clove or two (or more if you're so bold) of garlic
Seasoning like ground black pepper
A little bit of squeezed lemon
A scoop of white miso paste (for extra flavor which it didn't need)

Quesadillas!

I've cooked this many times. But this time I changed my process a bit, used different salsa, and made a guacamole salad. 

Oh my gosh I should look away from this picture. I'm about to start doing the Homer-Simpson-Drooling-Over-A-Donut-Sound. 

Grapefruit

Why does grapefruit have to look so deceiving?

So juicy and vibrant. Plump and ripe.

I've tried it once before and wanted to try it again. It took me a few bites to reacquaint myself with this bitter citrus taste. I drizzled honey on it to make it a little sweeter, which turned it into a delightful snack. I ate the entire fruit!

And that's all I got for now. Every little bit of progress is better than none at all! ♥ 

Dear Ginny: Graduation, Life, and Cheese

As you know, I graduated last month! The day of graduation didn't feel any different. The week of didn't feel any different. And you might have guessed, the week after didn't feel any different either. But within these past couple weeks, I do feel differently. Let me quickly state that I will never miss finals again. Haha, done with that mess. But I never thought I'd feel the way I am feeling right now. And I'm figuring out how to deal with it.

So let's start within a couple of weeks ago. Nothing really has changed too much in life to bring out this feeling. Something just snapped inside (not literally because I would possibly be in a hospital bed) and I don't know what triggered it. Somewhere in those weeks I realized that I am really done with college. And I always felt trapped while attending the university. Like I couldn't really live my life or go places or experience everything I wanted to do. Like it held me here and kept me detained or grounded. But then, I was free-- finally free. A huge sense of freedom overcame me. Until I realized that was short lived.

Job Search and the negativity that it brings. I am a positive person and always seek the good in situations. It's disheartening and discouraging at times to hear those say "good luck finding a job" so sarcastically and doubtfully. But I'm doing my own thing and not letting that negativity drag me down! So when I do find a job soon however, I'm afraid of being sucked into the 9-5 life and everything it entails. That's not freedom for me. Now, these are my feelings and I'm applying them to my life, so if perchance someone reads this and gets offended, well, don't. For my life, I don't fit that 9-5 mold. I will do it for now because I have to in order to eat, fuel my car, and pay the bills. And that's when it really hit me. I'm already getting caught up in the system of acting like a sheep that will become part of a mindless herd. That's not what I want out of life. It will consume my soul. I don't fit that lifestyle.

I don't want to get caught up in the monotonous day-to-day shenanigans and have ten years go by, and I'm still in the same place I was before.  I'm going to be 25 this year-- a quarter of a decade! Like, holy %&*#balls! <You can imagine the selection of colorful wording used there.  I always thought I wanted to be married at 25 and know exactly what I wanted to do with life, and I wanted my life to have some great purpose. As it turns out, I still don't know. I don't want to be married right now although I have a long-time boyfriend of whom I love immensely. And I don't even think I want to change my name or do some other traditional stuff. It does not apply to who I am and it's just an unnecessary inconvenience for me. Plus I'm an artist and writer! Changing my name would be bad for biz (of course I'd probably use a pen name anyway).

What it comes down is... I am just really starting to figure out what I want my life to be about. I gained a small bit of freedom in graduating (but then come the student loan payments! haha). I'm still young. Even if I wasn't, I'm always going to live by the standards and values I set for myself, regardless of what society deems standard. So, I want to go travel, see and experience other things and cultures. I want to explore and learn and have fun. I want to be able to laugh loudly and uncontrollably, always. There is so much out there to explore, so how can I settle down in one place for so long just because it's easy, comfortable, and convenient? And for me, that's not really living. We have one lifetime to do these things. And if I get caught up in some job here then I might just stay here for many more years, doing and experiencing the same thing over and over again. Although it seems a bit scary to go far away from my parents (because I love them and we have a good relationship), I just have to go. One day, however, I do want to settle down and make my own "nest." But that'll be further down in life.

Some days I expect myself to wake up as a 60 year old. Some moments I feel like I'm living inside my memory, or a flashback... if that makes sense. Like I'm literally living in a vivid flashback from my 20's. Also, I keep hearing (and now experiencing) how quickly time goes by. That scares me. I don't want to keep hearing that from older people! And they remember things from our age when they're already decades older. I can recall memories vividly from being a toddler! That was over 20 years ago!! Ah! This is partly why I feel like I'm living in a flashback at times. And it's small moments too, not big ones.

Cheese. Finally, the cheese! Well, I love cheese. And within the past month or so I have made a tremendous effort to eat less cheese, and dairy products in general. More vegan choices. Oh, the swiss, and my old friend sharp cheddar, and can't forget the mozzarella... I eliminated dairy from my diet for two weeks, then slowly added a little bit in. And in that time, I didn't feel bloated or mucusy. I felt much better without it. But now I'll eat just a tad bit of cheese every once in awhile. I still get plenty of protein, calcium, and other nutrients from natural products like kale and almond milk instead of cow milk. My body just feels better and I'm happier without it.

And I miss ya dude! I hope you're having some fun in Peru. Game of Thrones finale tonight-- AH!! I need to read these books already. I've been living in a series called "Arrested Development" which airs on Netflix. They recently renewed another season all the way from 2006. I've always heard about it, but never watched it. And I love it! The characters are hilarious. Buster is my favorite. You should check it out when you return to the states. And apparently Colorado wants to split into North and South Colorado. And that's about it here. Skype soon! I'm going to download it on my phone.