The U Word

Dear Kayla,

Dealing with unemployment is better said than done. It's different for everyone, but I guess I wrote this so maybe someone else won't feel so alone. For me it's temporary, meaning I work part-time at a college but clocked few hours over the summer and am now "off" until the fall. I've been using this time (and my last paychecks) to pursue my first full-time, salary with benefits, "real" job. It has thus far been unsuccessful. I'm not going to play this off cool at all--I feel like a wreck. I'm not coping well. The worst part is feeling idle. I like being a useful, contributing member of society. I get so restless, my sleep schedule is wack, I procrastinate--I have generally dragged my feet through this period of my life. Then I start to think that maybe there is something I can learn from unemployment. First of all that I should not base the whole of my self worth on my job or the brutal opinion of the job market. So these are methods I use to deal. If you're also unemployed, pick and choose if they sound good to you, Tell me ways you deal. Mostly know you're not alone.

READ MORE BLOGS

If you're like me you put almost all your work into sending applications. I (sometimes) have confidence in my abilities, but it seems to me that the job hunt is an elaborate game to prove your worth. In seeking advise I found Ask A Manager this great blog by Alison Green with *valuable* info about hiring from an employer/hiring manager's perspective. I took a break from sending applications and applied some of her advise.

WORK ON DEM SKILLZ

Just because I'm not in school or going to work doesn't mean can't improve myself. Just like a millennial I've turned to an app. Duolingo helps me practice my Spanish with grammar, vocab, and speaking lessons. It also keeps track of my practice, so I love it. Magoosh has added 25 semi-pretentious words to my vocabulary so far; it's the official GRE vocabulary builder app. And lastly the Goodreads app is a standard for book lovers. I learn about new releases, read and write reviews, and keep track of my own reading goals.

VOLUNTEER

It's a feel good kind of activity. Volunteering with a local arts non-profit has really saved me because ...I miss working. That may sounds crazy, but it's true. I've loved being involved with my community--I can't believe I didn't do this sooner! It is loads better than the internship option,  more flexible and more rewarding. Get used to hearing 'thank you!' all the time. I learn, meet people, work, and *put it on my resume*. I absolutely recommend it.

GO OUTSIDE

At least open the window. Summers in the Georgia are humid as hell. My apartment gets stuffy and being inside all day makes me feel claustrophobic. Open the door and look at a sunset and take a deep breath. Maybe change your work environment; sit on the porch if you have one or go out to a coffee shop, there is a nice one (with books!) close to my house. I also like taking walks with Seth. We both live close to Grant Park and the neighborhood has lots of Little Free Libraries! Sometimes you just need that delicious fresh air.

FEED YO SELF 

It's hard to remember, I know. So take a break! Some days I've gotten so consumed in the job hunt, time passes and its suddenly midnight. It sounds so silly, but remember to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Drink lots of that H2O. Combine meals with breaks. Eat breakfast and read a book. Share lunch with a friend. Have a cut off time when you stop work for the day and relax. Oh! Don't forget your body either! I'm a fan of #stopdropandyoga, but even if you're not find some FUN way to burn all that excess energy and make more. Like bike rides! Take a "weekend" or some version of it. I went hiking with Paul and Seth last Sunday and it really cheered me up. I'm craving some semblance of a routine, so breaks really help me out.

FIND A CREATIVE OUTLET

Express all that frustration, anger, apathy, or whatever it is and MAKE SOMETHING. Kayla has happily let me borrow her watercolor set, and something about that soft, fluid medium is so relaxing for me. I'm also a fan of collage and have been making regular journal entries all year. This blog good too for that too;)

Currently Reading: Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
2015 Job  Applications Submitted So Far: 36
Taylor Swift Song of the Month: Treacherous

Kentucky Home

Hey Kayla,

I only checked up on this blog tonight, and it's been even longer since I last contributed something. I'm in Kentucky with my parents before they leave for their trip to Argentina and Peru in the morning. It's been great spending time with them, especially since I hadn't been home since New Years! Being here also feels like going backwards in time; being with them reminds me of how much I need to grow. I don't mean "grow up" but just, grow. My parents are very selfless and loving people and when I'm with them I always see that in the little and big ways they care for their family and home and even their little dog Munkie! I feel like a little kid again. They take care of me and go about their errands while I lay around the house with few obligations. I feel like a teenage too except I notice all the ways I can be difficult and was difficult at times when I was living with them. Now I know that I won't always agree with them, but I can learn to communicate with them and love them better.

I've been reading "How To Love" by Thich Nhat Hanh with short passages and notes on love, just a few pages every night or so. After reading bell hook's All About Love this January I decided to actively practice love in my life. Although  in the back of my mind it's how I wish to act, it's not how it always turns out. I want love to be first in my mind. In your last longish post you mentioned thinking about death. I think about it too. My parents are going on this trip for about three weeks. My Dad showed my brother where their will was in case anything happened. I started thinking what if something does happen? It makes me want to make the most of every moment I spend with them. The fear of death can transform in to a motivation to live. Who cares about the little or big things we don't agree on? In this moment (how many more will we have) I choose to love.

There are more things on my mind, but it's late and if I don't post now who knows when you'll see it. I also want to be a little more succinct with these posts and blog about one topic at a time. I have a lot to tell you, but I want to be a more mindful of what I write publicly--what from my life do I want to share and how do I want to share it? I'm considering these questions but also happy to be blogging again. I'm going to see my brother, my cousin, and Perla tomorrow in Lexington and Louisville. Should be fun. Funny reunion with the Gilmore Girls band by the way. See you soon! I'll be back in town and ready to chill wit cha Thursday. Come at me! Peace. -G


Currently Reading: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
2015 Job Applications Submitted So Far: 10
Taylor Swift Song of the Month (it's a thing! I'm making it a thing!): Mean

Dear Ginny: Graduation, Life, and Cheese

As you know, I graduated last month! The day of graduation didn't feel any different. The week of didn't feel any different. And you might have guessed, the week after didn't feel any different either. But within these past couple weeks, I do feel differently. Let me quickly state that I will never miss finals again. Haha, done with that mess. But I never thought I'd feel the way I am feeling right now. And I'm figuring out how to deal with it.

So let's start within a couple of weeks ago. Nothing really has changed too much in life to bring out this feeling. Something just snapped inside (not literally because I would possibly be in a hospital bed) and I don't know what triggered it. Somewhere in those weeks I realized that I am really done with college. And I always felt trapped while attending the university. Like I couldn't really live my life or go places or experience everything I wanted to do. Like it held me here and kept me detained or grounded. But then, I was free-- finally free. A huge sense of freedom overcame me. Until I realized that was short lived.

Job Search and the negativity that it brings. I am a positive person and always seek the good in situations. It's disheartening and discouraging at times to hear those say "good luck finding a job" so sarcastically and doubtfully. But I'm doing my own thing and not letting that negativity drag me down! So when I do find a job soon however, I'm afraid of being sucked into the 9-5 life and everything it entails. That's not freedom for me. Now, these are my feelings and I'm applying them to my life, so if perchance someone reads this and gets offended, well, don't. For my life, I don't fit that 9-5 mold. I will do it for now because I have to in order to eat, fuel my car, and pay the bills. And that's when it really hit me. I'm already getting caught up in the system of acting like a sheep that will become part of a mindless herd. That's not what I want out of life. It will consume my soul. I don't fit that lifestyle.

I don't want to get caught up in the monotonous day-to-day shenanigans and have ten years go by, and I'm still in the same place I was before.  I'm going to be 25 this year-- a quarter of a decade! Like, holy %&*#balls! <You can imagine the selection of colorful wording used there.  I always thought I wanted to be married at 25 and know exactly what I wanted to do with life, and I wanted my life to have some great purpose. As it turns out, I still don't know. I don't want to be married right now although I have a long-time boyfriend of whom I love immensely. And I don't even think I want to change my name or do some other traditional stuff. It does not apply to who I am and it's just an unnecessary inconvenience for me. Plus I'm an artist and writer! Changing my name would be bad for biz (of course I'd probably use a pen name anyway).

What it comes down is... I am just really starting to figure out what I want my life to be about. I gained a small bit of freedom in graduating (but then come the student loan payments! haha). I'm still young. Even if I wasn't, I'm always going to live by the standards and values I set for myself, regardless of what society deems standard. So, I want to go travel, see and experience other things and cultures. I want to explore and learn and have fun. I want to be able to laugh loudly and uncontrollably, always. There is so much out there to explore, so how can I settle down in one place for so long just because it's easy, comfortable, and convenient? And for me, that's not really living. We have one lifetime to do these things. And if I get caught up in some job here then I might just stay here for many more years, doing and experiencing the same thing over and over again. Although it seems a bit scary to go far away from my parents (because I love them and we have a good relationship), I just have to go. One day, however, I do want to settle down and make my own "nest." But that'll be further down in life.

Some days I expect myself to wake up as a 60 year old. Some moments I feel like I'm living inside my memory, or a flashback... if that makes sense. Like I'm literally living in a vivid flashback from my 20's. Also, I keep hearing (and now experiencing) how quickly time goes by. That scares me. I don't want to keep hearing that from older people! And they remember things from our age when they're already decades older. I can recall memories vividly from being a toddler! That was over 20 years ago!! Ah! This is partly why I feel like I'm living in a flashback at times. And it's small moments too, not big ones.

Cheese. Finally, the cheese! Well, I love cheese. And within the past month or so I have made a tremendous effort to eat less cheese, and dairy products in general. More vegan choices. Oh, the swiss, and my old friend sharp cheddar, and can't forget the mozzarella... I eliminated dairy from my diet for two weeks, then slowly added a little bit in. And in that time, I didn't feel bloated or mucusy. I felt much better without it. But now I'll eat just a tad bit of cheese every once in awhile. I still get plenty of protein, calcium, and other nutrients from natural products like kale and almond milk instead of cow milk. My body just feels better and I'm happier without it.

And I miss ya dude! I hope you're having some fun in Peru. Game of Thrones finale tonight-- AH!! I need to read these books already. I've been living in a series called "Arrested Development" which airs on Netflix. They recently renewed another season all the way from 2006. I've always heard about it, but never watched it. And I love it! The characters are hilarious. Buster is my favorite. You should check it out when you return to the states. And apparently Colorado wants to split into North and South Colorado. And that's about it here. Skype soon! I'm going to download it on my phone.

Self Education

Hey there internet folk. I graduated college, and it's my first semester out of school! So while it still feels like my life is divided into semester intervals, I thought I'd design my own semester out of school. While school gave me practical and valuable information, there are some lessons I have to learn for myself.

Introduction to Independent Study

This is a project I've designed to stimulate my mind and nurture my talents.The idea is to do things I like, while also being disciplined enough to follow my ideas through to the end. My course is mostly designed to be intellectually stimulating, but exercise and meditation are also important as well.

Course Objectives

• Self growth
• Practice, practice, practice
• Improved communication skills both with others and myself

Ongoing Reading List
in no particular order

1984 by George Orwell
The Fiction of H.P. Lovecraft
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki
The Poetry of Rumi
The Diviners by Libba Bray
Nine Stories by J. D. Salinger

...And many more found on my goodreads account.

Assignments

• Record my dreams
• Write one passage, fragment of of thought or doddle about each book I read
• Only review books that really make an impact on me and/or are worth sharing 
• Participate in and communicate with the blogging and BookTube communities
• Become familiar with recently published authors and books
• Get in the habit of free writing regularly each week. Become in touch with my inner voice
• Educate myself and research current events
• Educate myself and research historical events
• Take a moment out of each day to be thankful for the blessings in my life

This is no end to this semester.  I feel I will always be a student in some sense or another. There will always be books to be read and something new to be learned. There is always room for growth.

Anyone out there just graduate college or high school and feeling this out-of-the-womb restlessness? How are you adjusting? I'll see how this plan goes.

Until next time!
Ginny