Ginny,
I have been struggling on and off lately, getting overwhelmed. I'll deal with things and feel great for a while, but then the overwhelm sneaks its way back in.
Sometimes when the pain and stress and irritations keep building up, I want to find an escape-- something to cope with. I often turn to books, animated movies, etc. It's easy to escape, hard to deal with what's in front of you. It's fine to escape, but only for so long. I can stay there and not have to deal with what causes discomfort. The longer you stay, the harder it can be to bring yourself back. Back to face your current situations that cause you stress, anxiety, depression, and so on. Back to take action in your life to make it better, to make it what you had hoped it would be one day. But where you are now is probably not where you'd envisioned being. That's where I am. And it's becoming more of a regular struggle as I get older. But I'm working on that. I know where I want to go and that it's always going to be a work in progress; the journey is never over. But it's hard when you feel far away from what you'd hoped for your life.
I am so grateful for everything in my life. But I yearn for more-- for better. I know I will go do great, positive things and live in a place where I thrive and feel alive on a regular basis. But it is not here, where I am.
I don't want to wake up, dreading the work day ahead, and waiting for the weekend to arrive. I want to wake up, feeling excited about what's to come. I need to feel alive a lot more often. I need to be in the present moment, taking action to make that happen.
When it feels like you're so far away that it's easier to escape into another world, another reality of someone else with perhaps bigger problems than yourself. Why is it so hard to take action in your own life? Maybe you don't know how. Maybe you do, but for some reason have a hard time doing what needs to be done. When this happens for me, it's usually when I will feel overwhelmed by the build-up of day to day stresses.
It can be hard to pull myself out of the overwhelming, stressed feeling. I have to take time to meditate and clear my thoughts of all the negativity and shit. Why does it seem so easy for your mind to be clouded with negative, self sabotaging thoughts? I have to make myself take the time to sit quietly and honestly with myself. This is like my light reset button on a video game.
I sit quietly, focusing on my breathing to calm my body of any anxiousness or stress I feel. Thoughts soon flow of things that have added up to overwhelm me. I think about priorities and what matters most. Reminding myself of this helps align what I need to focus on most. The other smaller things that have been piling up can be dealt with and the stress of that will soon pass. It is like mentally ripping off a band-aid. But once you do, it's much easier to deal with what's underneath.
I also remind myself that I let myself become stressed and my daily decisions led me here. I have the power to deal with things and fix them. After this realization, it becomes easier to take the next step. It might not be easy but it's what I have to do in order to get where my heart yearns to go. By continuing to escape and ignore what's overwhelming me, it will most likely become worse when I rip off the band-aid and am forced to deal.
After reflecting on all of this, I made a list of how I persevere. And I will check this list again when I am down.
* When life gets tough, hold on to these thoughts and visions.
Keep your dreams close by.
Envision where you want to be and will be.
Remind yourself why you're doing this, how you want to feel, and how you can make the world better because of my dreams.
* Stop looking for outside answers when you need to look inward.
Don't compare yourself or your progress. Focus on YOU.
Stop procrastinating by looking into youtube videos and websites to learn. There is a time for this but not now. This often feels productive when you don't have to do anything but sit there and watch someone else DO when YOU should be DOING.
So lay out a basic plan and starting doing.
* Do a little bit everyday and build the habit.
You feel better when progress is made even if your goal seems far away.
Let your passion overcome laziness. If not, it could become a regret one day.
And you don't want to regret the "Shoulda, woulda, coulda" in life.
Commit yourself to DO in a short period of time. Just do 5 minutes. You may extend it or not. But after those 5 minutes, progress will have been made. And that will eventually add up.
* Death sits on my shoulder, reminding me of my mortality.
I often think of death. Maybe that's morbid, but I don't think so.
This calls for action. You don't have infinite time to get yourself out there and get things done.
When my loved ones have died in the past, I felt like they lived on in my heart and memories. They became part of me and I told myself that I would live as best as I could to keep part of them alive too. This was also a way for me to cope with losing them.
For writing the first post in a long time, this was definitely a heavier and personal topic for me. But I feel lighter for getting this all out. And maybe it will help you too.
Anyway, G. I miss ya! I leave for the cruise this Friday and will be gone for a week without any communication. This vacation is going to be my reboot, which is much needed right now. When I'm back, we'll go explore some parks and I will bring my dog. He is a blast to play with outside. And we can bring snacks too. I am looking forward to it!
<3
Kayla
