Weekly Motivation -- First of the New Year!

Hello, 2014!

 May you achieve your new years resolutions and thrive!

And cheers to more posts in 2014! 

♥

A Moment of Grieving and Healing. (Dedicated to my friend, Jennifer)

Everything I do right now doesn't make the hollowness or sadness disappear. I've been distracting myself by watching "Chopped" on Amazon Prime. It does distract me for a bit. But then it ends and I'm left with the reality that I don't want to be true. Today I made myself get out of my home and just go shopping with Caleb (boyfriend). I wanted to do something that was not a distraction. Shopping today didn't feel like a distraction because I was actually involved in doing something. And it helped that Caleb was there with me. Because of this, I at least was able to grasp some happiness today. 

Today I found out that one of my friends has died. I am tremendously sad and heart broken. When I found out my whole body was shaking and I was falling apart. Her twin sister, Heather, died about six months ago. My friend, Jen, I know was struggling with that loss. I can't ever imagine what she was going through. I reached out to her then, for the first time in a while. I wish I would've kept reaching and not giving up. I have been thinking about her over the period of time we haven't talked. I still cared about her. I didn't let her know that though. No matter how much time passed, I always cared and thought about her. I wondered about her life. But I didn't just talk to her then or really try to get together. We said that we'd plan on doing something over the last few years but we got busy in our own lives and it just never happened. And now it's too late. I thought I would have "later on" but that was taken from me, from us, from the hope of our friendship being like how it used to or even better. 

I'm so mad at myself for not making more effort to hang out with her. I know friendship is a two-way street, but sometimes it just takes one person to put in a tiny bit more effort. That should've been me. So much has changed since her and I hung out or really had a conversation. Yeah you can like each others pictures or posts on facebook but that's not the same. It's better than nothing I suppose because at least we saw what each other was doing. I "liked" and commented on things on facebook when she got engaged, and then married. She was only married for a little over a year too. I never met her husband but just from seeing facebook I know he really loved her. I feel heart broken for him.

Jen was an important part of my life in high school and the beginning of college. We were lucky enough to go to the same school and even have a few classes together (along with Brittney who was still my neighbor at the time). And that was so much fun. I'm so fortunate that I had good people who made great friends there with me to start my college journey--that all of us started the journey together. I learned a lot while they were learning new things as well. Of course, we went separate ways eventually. I moved to Atlanta and transferred schools. And Brittney went to UGA to pursue her passion, which she is wonderful at by the way. Not everyone can be a teacher--especially such a patient, passionate, and caring teacher. 

Jen lived about five minutes away during school. That was convenient to hang out and do things. But then I moved to Atlanta and I lost touch with a lot of people. And they lost touch with me. And we were such good friends for a period of time. I don't know if Jen ever knew how much I cared. I will always cherish the time we had together. She was a warm, bright light. She was cheerful, bubbly, and caring. I hate that she is gone, that her light is out. It tears me up inside. I hate it not just for myself, but for everyone that knew her. 

I can't change the past. I wish I could've done things differently. I wish her and I still would've kept in touch better in the last few years. I will always wish I could have that chance. But it's too late. :-( I was too late. And there's nothing I could do about it now. Except try to channel this sadness into something good and positive. I'll figure it out more as I slowly heal. I always try to learn from experiences. 

Typing all this out hopefully helps. I'm no longer sobbing or crying. Today, the realization she is gone has hit me in sudden tidal waves. I still am shocked. I have been grieving today. I am still feeling so low and broken-hearted. But this post will hopefully help me heal a little. I also realized things from today. Death always does that to me. And it has a way of making me aware that I do not have an infinite amount of time. I need to stop putting things off (like meeting up with old but once great friends). I need to let the people I care about know how much they mean to me. I don't want them ever wondering if I cared about them. Gin girl, whenever you read this just know that I love you. I'm glad I chose to work at Fellini's instead of Starbucks. I didn't always feel that way when I worked there though haha. I'm sure I would've met cool people there too but definitely glad I met you and some of the pizza gang. We are going to hang out this month. Not we "should" but we are. 

Rest in peace, sweet Jennifer. Thank you for being part of my life and sharing your journey with me. I will hold you in my heart and never forget you. 

Weekly Motivation

This is a fantastic quote from the late Walt Disney.  Even though he passed many years ago, his legacy still vibrantly lives in so many hearts. His words, art, and mind inspire me to do better and seek the impossible. It only seems impossible until it's done! And the only way is to get out of your head and begin doing.

♥ 

Throwback Thursday: A Photo Journey!

Hey Ginny,

I recently went back into my old Livejournal account from high school (yikes). It's weird revisiting that time in my life where I was all over the place. I was called weird quite often. I was hyper and did "random" things to people. Hahah. True story. But I embraced it. I still do but in different ways now.

Things I was reminded from looking at old journal entries:
Be silly and don't care what others think.
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's hands. Because they'll drop it like it's hot.
Be more outgoing and just more out there.
Have wild moments to thrive in every once in a while.
Be even more weird. Yes, it's possible.

And I even found some pictures too. Sure, I'll post 'em for you.

How about a photo journey? xD

I was a hyper ball of silliness.

But another part of me dealt with teenage angst. I went through so many emotions and trials as a young person. I wrote dark poems and songs in a notebook I carried everyday. Fitting in didn't really occur, but...

I knew I stood out. I guess it started in middle school when I was bullied (I mean, who wasn't though). I finally stood up to those insecure brats. I realized I needed to embrace and love myself for who I was. I embraced the "weirdness" that grew to become me. This picture is a lot of me.... with braces. Haha!

And in high school I had a lot of fun being me. I wasn't afraid to show it. Sure, I was called weird a lot. Heck, even goth one year. LOL. But that simply wasn't true. I didn't stick with one label because that was not who I was.

And I met people who weren't pretending to be anyone other than themselves.

We were silly together! And had lots of fun and didn't care what anyone else said or thought.

I found people that I really connected with and went past the small world of high school. They're still my dear friends. <3

I'm still the same person who loves art, nature and animals, to have fun, to goof around, to dance like a fool, and to do other "weird" things that made me who I am.

What I took away from my experiences is...

Never apologize for being you! 

Weekly Motivation

Always. <3

Dear Kayla | Lima's Eco-School and Plans for Home

Dear Kayla,

I want tell you a bit more about my trip over here, but I also want to record these things so I don't forget! Since I've had more free time this month I started volunteering at a primary school here in Lima. What's awesome about this place is that it is an eco-school--basically the whole school is a garden. There are plants everywhere! Plus there are a few chickens, rabbits, and even fish. The kids learn about gardening, recycling, animals, art, and more. I've got to say I would have loved going to this kind of school when I was a kid. Believe it or not, this is a public school! Enjoy the photos:)

Baby Bunny!

Fun with gardening and recycling

The staff and teachers believe it's important for the children to start learning about respecting the environment at an early age. It's such wonderful message, and very much needed. In my experience, the pollution in Lima is one of the saddest things about the city. This school is the first of it's kind in Peru, and hopefully more like it will begin popping up everywhere. It's really inspired me to do some gardening for myself. Of course when I say gardening I mean keeping one plant alive, hah. I've found a lot of ideas on pinterest about gardening with recycled materials, and having a plant in the house always seems to give me a bit of joy when I start missing the small town life. Gracias ninos, me han ensenado mucho :)

On the topic of going back home, I am partly excited and partly anxious. There are so many things about the future that I'm looking forward to, jobs, friends, art, Taco Bell (jk, maybe lol). I'll have an internship ready to begin (woohoo!), but it'll be strange getting back into the routine of home. I didn't really expect what it'd be like coming to Peru, and I was taken a back. Now that I'll be going home pretty soon, I preparing for the unexpected. As you know, Kayla, my boyfriend and I broke up. So that's one reason going back home is going to be weird and difficult. When you go on a trip you escape the everyday surroundings you've grow sick of for adventure and something radically new. When you come back, you realize you have to face the everyday again. Everyday is not always an adventure, but we can make it one and get through the days that are just plain shit. Mostly I'm ready to get to the Jungle. That, and move on.

Write back:)

<3 Ginny

Currently Reading: A  Woman of No Importance by Oscar Wilde
Lyrics: I used to think it was great/ when I got to look forward to seeing your face - "I Think It Would Be Great" by Best Friends Forever



Weekly Motivation

See it on our Pinterest

Simple. True. Beauty is unique to each person. So...

See it on our Pinterest

Gorgeous in a purely non-physical, you-are-a-living-thing-with-consciousness kind of way. You have life. To be sure, beauty is not perfection. To be sure, it's NOT the most important quality either. But. Real beauty can offer relief, maybe even hope. Amidst the upsetting truths of the present and the looming darkness of the future, one beautiful person, or one beautiful expression may mean or change everything. Beautiful things don’t last long, but perhaps they can make a lasting impact. For some people beauty is an unhealthy addition to seeking out other person’s idea of perfection. For others it is a life dedicated to protecting beautiful, scared people, creatures, art, etc. and sharing it with others.

That's my baby rant for the day.

<3 Ginny